Archive for the 'Fun' Category

The Clapping Song

My mom used to sing this to us as kids. Great message about chain-smoking primates and alcoholic waterfowl. Explains a lot about how I turned out…

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A little Halloween Fun…

Ok, this is a little scary… especially Frankenstein!

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/CG8vV3UZwpIMi01q

The “REAL” Hollywood Story

Lonely Goatherd

Lonely Goatherd

Ok, I admit it. I am not ashamed to say so. I grew up on it. I can quote many of the lines. Even sing all the songs. I enjoy The Sound of Music. And my girls think it is great too. On our Friday Night/Movie Night, it is one of the DVDs that is reached for more often than most. The Girls LOVE the Puppet scene (“The Lonely Goatherd”),  “So Long, Farewell,” and “My Favorite Things.”

But I also like to get the real scoop since I know Hollywood has always tended to embellish a little with their stories to sell tickets. I have always wondered things like, “where did they go after crossing the alps?” and “did Maria and Georg have any children of their own?” and “did the nuns really know to pull the distributor and wires on the cars?”

So I did some digging and found a pretty cool article from the magazine of the US National Archives, the Prologue, that gives a great detail of what really happened to Maria, Georg and the kids. Check it out:

http://www.archives.gov/publications/prologue/2005/winter/von-trapps.html

Happy New Year 2009!

I spent the evening at home with my 3 sick girls, so I had to tone the celebration down a little. I found this old video of me celebrating the 2000 New year. Enjoy!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Thursday Funnie

Ah, some of the joys of aging gracefully!

This is from newshound Dave Barry’s colonoscopy journal:

… I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’ I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is prettymuch the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something likethat? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’tthought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ has to be the least appropriate.

‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me.

‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

ABOUT THE WRITER

Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.

On the subject of Colonoscopies…

Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were

quite humorous…..

A physician claimed that the following are actual

comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing

their colonoscopies:

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’

6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’

8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!

10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

And the best one of all.

13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

Help Desk Time!

In honor of my past career on the other end of the Help Desk line, here are a few conversations over heard at a help desk (I think I actually was witness to a couple):


A customer couldn’t get on the Internet:

Helpdesk: “Are you sure you used the right password?”

Customer: “Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.”

Helpdesk: “Can you tell me what the password was?”

Customer: “Five stars.”

______

Helpdesk: “What kind of computer do you have?”

Customer: “A white one.”

______

Customer: “Hi, this is Rose. I can’t get my diskette out.”

Helpdesk: “Have you tried pushing the button?”

Customer: “Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.”

Helpdesk: “That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note.”

Customer: “No… wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… Sorry…”

______

Helpdesk: “Click on the ‘My Computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.”

Customer: “Your left or my left?”

______

Helpdesk: “Good day. How may I help you?”

Male customer: “Hello, I can’t print.”

Helpdesk: “Would you click on start for me and…”

Customer: “Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates, you know!”

______

Customer: “Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says, ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can’t find it.”

______

Customer: “I have problems printing in red.”

Helpdesk: “Do you have a color printer?”

Customer: “Aaaah… Thank you.”

______

Customer: “My keyboard is not working anymore.”

Helpdesk: “Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?”

Customer: “No. I can’t get behind the computer.”

Helpdesk: “Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Helpdesk: “Did the keyboard come with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Helpdesk: “That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?”

Customer: “Yes, there’s another one here. Ahh, that one works!”

______

Helpdesk: “Your password is the small letter ‘a’ as in apple, a capital letter ‘V’ as in Victor, and the number ‘7’.”

Customer: “Is that ‘7’ in capital letters?”

______

Helpdesk: “What anti-virus program do you use?”

Customer: “Netscape.”

Helpdesk: “That’s not an anti-virus program.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.”

______

Customer: “I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!”

______

Helpdesk: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’m writing my first e-mail.”

Helpdesk: “Okay, and what seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?”

(From our friends a Crosswalk.com)

Man’s Best Friend

This was submitted to me by my friend Michelle. Although I do not condone any of the activities described herein, it does make for interesting discussion!

 

A dog is truly a man’s best friend.

If you don’t believe it, just try this experiment.

Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?


This Month’s Verse:

"For a child has been born for us, a son given to us; authority rests upon his shoulders; and he is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

-- Isaiah 9:6-7

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